Alan K. Henderson's Weblog

When manufacturers create a gluten-free product, they remove the wheat protein from the food by swapping wheat flour for another flour such as almond, rice, corn or even bean.

However, this missing gluten makes it difficult for breads and bakery products to retain their shape and softness as they cook.

To alleviate this, additives (such as xanthum gum and hydroxypropyl methylcellulose) or corn starch are introduced. Extra sugar and fat are also added to the products to make them tastier. The result is that gluten-free bread can actually add pounds to your waistline.

The basic problem is that while it's true that exercise burns calories and that you must burn calories to lose weight, exercise has another effect: it can stimulate hunger. That causes us to eat more, which in turn can negate the weight-loss benefits we just accrued. Exercise, in other words, isn't necessarily helping us lose weight. It may even be making it harder.

Obama isn’t supposed to be a typical politician. He was supposed to be The One. He was supposed to change Washington. Transcend race. Fix souls. Bake twelve-minute brownies in seven minutes.

Jonah: You were obviously right to go with the Trek reference. But you overlooked another film reference opportunity: instead of "Bake twelve-minute brownies in seven minutes," how about "cook 20-minute grits in five minutes."

Vinny Gambini: Why not? How long was they in the store for?
Mr. Tipton: 5 minutes.
Vinny Gambini: 5 minutes? How do you know? Did you look at your watch?
Mr. Tipton: No.
Vinny Gambini: Oh, oh, oh, you tesitfied earlier that you saw the boys go into the store, and you had just begun to cook your breakfast and you were just getting ready to eat when you heard the shot.
Mr. Tipton: That's right.
Vinny Gambini: So obviously it takes you 5 minutes to cook your breakfast.
Mr. Tipton: That's right.
Vinny Gambini: That's right, so you knew that. You remember what you had?
Mr. Tipton: Eggs and grits.
Vinny Gambini: Eggs and grits. I like grits, too. How do you cook your grits? Do you like them regular, creamy or al dente?
Mr. Tipton: Just regular I guess.
Vinny Gambini: Regular. Instant grits?
Mr. Tipton: No self respectin' Southerner uses instant grits. I take pride in my grits.
Vinny Gambini: So, Mr. Tipton, how could it take you 5 minutes to cook your grits when it takes the entire grit eating world 20 minutes?
Mr. Tipton: I don't know, I'm a fast cook I guess.
Vinny Gambini: I'm sorry I was all the way over here I couldn't hear you did you say you were a fast cook, that's it?
Mr. Tipton: Yeah.
Vinny Gambini: Are we to believe that boiling water soaks into a grit faster in your kitchen than anywhere else on the face of the earth?
Mr. Tipton: I don't know.
Vinny Gambini: Well, I guess the laws of physics cease to exist on top of your stove. Were these magic grits? Did you buy them from the same guy who sold Jack his beanstalk beans?

On behalf of PETA and our more than 2 million members and supporters, I'd like to bring your attention to an innovative new idea from Switzerland that would bring a unique twist to Ben and Jerry's.

Storchen restaurant is set to unveil a menu that includes soups, stews, and sauces made with at least 75 percent breast milk procured from human donors who are paid in exchange for their milk. If Ben and Jerry's replaced the cow's milk in its ice cream with breast milk, your customers-and cows-would reap the benefits.

Ben & Jerry's makes 13,000,000 gallons of ice cream per year. Call it 36,000 gallons per day. It takes 1 1/2 gallons of milk to make a gallon of ice cream. So 54,000 gallons of milk per day. Cows can produce roughly 5 gallons of milk per day. Humans, roughly 1/3 of a gallon.

So, what PETA's suggesting is replacing 11,000 cows with 160,000 humans. 160,000 full-time, lactating humans.