The Mayan Doomsday Prophecy
will get a lot of serious attention when Cthulhu
places second in the Iowa Caucuses.Ghost Hunters
will claim to have footage of the ghost of Christopher Hitchens
tormenting Kim Jong-Il
at the North Korean leader's deathbed.
Turned down by the IMF, the Greek government will seek a bailout loan from the Kardashians
Rumors of a brokered convention will arise when the RNC announces that its keynote speaker will be Howie Mandel
An unknown party will hack into Barack Obama's teleprompter. Officials will discover the breach when the President utters the phrase "I can haz stimulus
" during a Rose Garden speech.
J. J. Abrams will threaten to produce Lost: The Next Generation
if Congress doesn't balance the budget.
At the Democratic National Convention, Barack Obama will conclude his nomination acceptance speech with the words "Klaatu barada nikto
," spurring new questions about teleprompter security and Obama's birth certificate.Occupy Wall Street
protesters will storm the Republican convention, only to recoil in horror as delegates approach them with soap-on-a-rope and garden hoses.
Turned down by the Kardashians, the Greek government will seek a bailout loan from Walmart
As Congress becomes deadlocked over the budget, J. J. Abrams will call the House Speaker and say "I just signed Charlie Sheen
The next President of the United States will be...uh, hold on, some Greek official just sent me an email about helping him with a cash transfer.
On Thanksgiving, an unknown party will hack Cowboy Stadium's "Jerrytron"
to show the film Titanic
, with high-quality CGI effects replacing the face of the ill-fated liner's captain with that of Cowboys owner Jerry Jones. The entire population of the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex will be questioned as suspects.
The Doomsday Prophecy won't come to pass, but J. J. Abrams will be doing lunch with Justin Bieber
, Congress will unanimously pass a bill granting its members an antidepressant allowance, and Greece will ask Jim Cramer
for some stock tips.