Alan K. Henderson's Weblog

Presidential candidates say the darndest things:

"It is wonderful to be back in Oregon," Obama said. "Over the last 15 months, we’ve traveled to every corner of the United States. I’ve now been in 57 states? I think one left to go. Alaska and Hawaii, I was not allowed to go to even though I really wanted to visit, but my staff would not justify it."

A casual observer might suggest that he meant to say 47 instead of 57; he visited 47, planned to visit one more, did not have our noncontiguous states on the itinerary - that adds up to 50.

The DNC would like you to think that. The truth is that Obama let slip a top-secret plan intended to guarantee the Democrats a permanent legislative majority: to add 10 states to our union.

It's no secret that the Dems want the District of Columbia to become a state. But where will the other nine come from? After Obama's appearance, a portion of these plans were left next to a dumpster in back of the Heritage Foundation's offices. These plans reveal that five of these new states will be carved out of our major US Territories:

• Puerto Rico
• U.S. Virgin Islands
• American Samoa
• Guam
• Northern Mariana Islands

The source of the other four future states remains a mystery. We can rule out the eleven Minor Outlying Islands; they have a collective population smaller than that of Obama's home church (that is not an exaggeration), none of which are permanent residents, so they don't qualify for statehood.

Canada is a possible source for one of those states. It would be impossible to carve up the entire nation in a manner that produces more blue states than red. But the Dems don't need all of Canada. They can create a pretext for war, and seven minutes later after it is won they can give Canada back its independence back - minus Quebec and the territories to its east. The Dems make Quebec a deal; if its voters vote to become our 51st state, the US will give Quebec all the other captured territories (except for New Brunswick, which would be annexed by Maine), and guarantee that it would allow the state government to institute French as its official language.

Mexico is out of the question; taking Mexico by force would drive Mexicans (and Mechistas) away from the Democrats (unless the Dems could find a way to blame the GOP for the war), and the Mexicans really don't want to shed their independence.

What we do know is that these other four states are places that Obama has visited. Karl Rove is on the case; from his secret headquarters he has dispatched operatives to determine Obama's complete travel history. In the linked post, Tammy Bruce mentions two of them: the Bahamas and (of course) Kenya. I have my doubts about Kenya, but the Bahamas are a good choice. Maybe they could be bribed persuaded with the promise of federal earmarks.

Haiti's in our neighborhood, and I bet it coudl use some earmarks, too. Forget Cuba - its people would remember the party affiliation of Castro's long line of American sycophants; statehood would move Cuba from Communist red to Republican red.

Any other ideas? Bermuda? Caymans? Venezuela? France? Second Life? Narnia?

Labels: Humor, Politics