Alan K. Henderson's Weblog


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Friday, June 23, 2006

Rush Limbaugh Sees The Light

Earlier this week I heard Rush state that he had given up on neckties. His exact words went something like this: "I got tired of going through life being choked."

The man who invented the phrase "symbolism over substance" finally sees the substance of the necktie: it is a noose disguised as a fashion accessory.

There is also a religious objection to neckties, which was once the topic of discussion on the Good News BBS, a Christian bulletin board system. It was one of the more memorable threads on the BBS, which I saved on my hard drive for posterity. So without any further ado...


TOPIC: Anticravatarianism

Anticravatarianism is a religion that is based on the belief that when we die the soul leaves the body through the top of the head. This is the highest area of the body in a physical sense, and in a moral/cognitive sense, and is, therefore, closer to heaven in both senses. If you are wearing something constricting around your neck, the narrowest portion of the "exit path" for the soul, then the soul can not get out and you go to hell --or just get stuck on earth (which amounts to about the same thing).

Since it is uncertain that you will be able to predict your death in advance it is never a good idea to be wearing something tight around your neck. The name of the religion is derived from this (in case you are not familiar with the word, "cravat" means "necktie"). There appears to be an instinct in people to loosen anything tight around the neck in times of stress --or to do so for others when they appear to be close to death. Consider also the long-standing method of execution for common criminals designed specifically to prevent the soul from escaping. It is variously called "hanging," "lynching," "necktie party," and in its lowest form, "garroting."

A fundamentalist schism of the Anticravatarians have taken the premise to an unpopular extreme as they are somewhat against the wearing of *any* cloting (unless required for protection from environmental intrusions; i.e. cold, heat, thorns, poison ivy, misquitoes, etc.) for the same reason that the orthodox ACs refuse to wear neckties, but since other clothing does not actually *prevent* the egress of the soul, the mainstream members reject (howbeit, mildly) their position. They point out that there was no clothing in the Garden of Eden; and Adam and Eve were evicted shortly after they invented it. They also remind us that to this day people are created without clothing, and if the Almighty intended us to wear clothing, we would be born that way and not keep trying to grow out of the things for the first 20 years of life. In any case, since it doesn't prevent the soul excaping the body, it is generally tolerated by the more liberal, dominent element of the cult.

Anticravatarianism is not an evangelical religion. They do not go from door to door pestering people with it, or wildly confront necktie adorned people in airports to turn from their wicked ways. A very simple belief system, many have found it compatible with Judiasm, Christianity, Mohamadism, etc. Even some Agnostics have embraced the belief mumbling, "why take a chance if you don't have to?"...There are no regular meeting places (anti church-goers take notice); chance meetings on the street are about it. And, they are not recognized by the I.R.S., having never asked for such recognition (probably because there being no central treasury anyway, what would be the point?).

If you believe that it makes sense and choose to practice its major restriction, then you are automatically a member of these "called out ones." Hedonism must hide in the shadows compared to such an awsome and attractive movement of this. I feel it drawing even me into its warm and inviting embrace as I see with wonderment and amazement the esclation of converts now that warmer weather draws near.

Joe Pike


TOPIC: Answer this then...

What happens if you die upside down? Maybe we shouldn't wear our shoes or socks either. Never know when one might be hanging upside down. :-)

Or if one sleeps on one's stomach should he/she were flannel footy pajamas with the flap in the back open in case of sudden death durning sleep? :-)

What if you are lying down watching TV? Is it then my pot belly that is closest to heaven? :-)

Of course, if it got me out of wearing a necktie I guess I would join up too.

Eddie Dake


TOPIC: Anticravatism

Needless to say this is a totally ridiculous religion and comes close to actually battling head-to-head with The Church of Bob the Subgenius in its stupidity. What is even more ridiculous, if not shocking, is that there is actually a "fundamentalist group" within it.

Mike Williams

The preceding commentary does not necessarily reflect the views of Good News or its agencies.


TOPIC: New sect

Joe, does this mean that a hatless bald headed person that dies standing up with his boots on has a pretty good chance at salvation? Somehow this idea has more appeal than the $300 admission price that was charged by another group discussed here, although I have some rather severe reservations about both groups.



TOPIC: Anticravatarianism

Eddie Dake and Ray Jatton have brought up salient points which I suspect will have to be addressed by the next session of the the Council of Doctrinal Perfection, which I understand is slated for the year 2025. WHEN they meet, and IF I hear of their Dictum Appropos, I will immediately get back here with their decision.

It would appear, Ray, that although you may have come close to attaining the most potentially successful formula....But being a mere observer of the movement I really couldn't say. They probably would object to use of the terms "hatless" and "boots;" since the thrust is directed toward neck constrictive devices, most expecially neckties. Having been turned out in black-tie formal for an occasion last evening, I suspect I would probably be censured --maybe excommunicated, were I a fully accredited member of the sect. Now I can put away my black tux and see if I can wear the white one for one more summer --if I can find it.


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