will be cleared of all charges. He will be hired as the new head coach for the Dallas Cowboys, shortly after being seen entering Jerry Jones' house with a stack of playbooks under one arm.
Heated debates during the opening session of the 112th Congress will cause the Statue of Freedom
atop the Capitol to partially melt.
North Korea's saber-rattling will be met with economic sanctions and a threat to make a sequel to Team America: World Police
will compete on Dancing With the Stars
, but will go into rehab in the middle of a tango.
A Wiccan group in Vancouver will announce plans to burn
copies of Harry Potter
books on July 31, author J. K. Rowling's birthday, claiming that the fantasy series makes their religion look lame by comparison.
Greece will attempt to balance its budget by selling Parthenon
Running out of ideas, one of the major networks will announce for the fall season a reality show set in a Chilean mine