Alan K. Henderson's Weblog

HOME   |   BLOGGER PROFILE   |   BLOGROLL  MAP   |   HENDERSON  PRIZE   |   EMAIL

COMMENTS TEMPORARILY CLOSED - MIGRATING FROM HALOSCAN/ECHO TO DISQUS
Old comments migrated to Disqus, currently working outtechnical issues

Saturday, January 03, 2009

 
Predictions For 2009

In its waning days, the Bush Administration will raise $370 billion by setting up a Henry Paulson dunking booth.

The Minnesota election board will find a cache of uncounted ballots in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall's porch. The race will eventually be decided by the BCS.

In another voting scandal, the incoming administration will investigate irregularities in the Drudge poll between shirtless Obama and Putin. Putin will counter that Obama's shouldn't have gotten even half of the votes he got, and will accuse Georgians of stuffing the online ballot boxes.

Oil prices will remain relatively stable this year, but arugula prices will skyrocket in the wake of increased demand.

As Roland Burris attempts to report for his swearing-in, he will be physically blocked by a line of four Senators. Editorial cartoonists will apply this visual metaphor.

Burris will back down, prompting Blagojevich to appoint someone the Senate wouldn't dare reject: Oprah Winfrey. This act will win him the 2009 Profiles in Courage Award.

Despite Oprah's presence, Congress will continue to earn approval ratings lower than Bernard Madoff's.

Seeking to be miscast as a villain instead of a Nazi, Tom Cruise will land a role as Sirhan Sirhan in a Bobby Kennedy biopic.

Dallas Cowboys fans will ask for a bailout, so they can afford tickets to games at the costly new stadium.

Fiji will test its first nuclear weapon.

Joe the Plumber will announce his plans to move to Arizona and challenge John McCain's Senate seat in his 2010 reelection bid. Sarah Palin will host several fundraisers on his behalf.

Labels:




Site Meter


Blogger